Chronic UTIs After Sex? Fear No More, The Cure Is Here.

 

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When I first started having sex I discovered that I was one of the hundreds of thousands of women that will constantly suffer from a UTI after.  And let me just say that if you’ve never had a bladder infection, count yourself lucky.  Most people think its just slightly uncomfortable and you have to pee more frequently.  In reality it feels like you’re bladder is so full that you’re about to burst open from the pain, only to pee and barely have a dribble come out, meanwhile that one drop almost made you puke from the pain of liquid running down your infected urethra.  They’re not fun.

No matter what I did (before or after) would prevent it from happening.  Peeing, cleaning myself and my partner profusely, drinking an insane amount of water, probiotics, cranberry pills and juice, other herbal remedies and about a hundred other things did nothing to help.  I slowly started to become depressed, I was either on antibiotics trying to get rid of a current UTI or dreading the next time I had sex, knowing the next day I’d wake up with that all too familiar sensation when I peed.   I would go to doctors time and time again but they’d all say the same thing “Are you peeing after sex?” And then I’d freaking lose it on them.  OH MY GOD! YOU”RE SUPPOSED TO PEE AFTER SEX? THIS IS MY 300TH UTI AND NO ONES EVER TOLD ME THAT. I’d leave angry and then once home I’d cry for hours because I couldn’t deal with the constant state of discomfort I was always in, it obviously was effecting my relationship.  I mean, how excited could anyone get for sex if they knew their prize was a crippling bladder infection?

And then that beautiful day happened.  While perusing on the internet for the millionth time trying to find a cure, I discovered something called “D-Mannose”  Which was the sugar derived from cranberries.  It was supposed to prevent infection by ingesting it, and once in the bladder, would collect e-coli bacteria.  Any e-coli that touched it would stick to the D-Mannose particles and would be flushed out of your bladder the next time you peed instead of clinging to the walls of your bladder.

Honestly the first time I read this I was doubtful, I’d tried so many “miracle cures” and nothing ever worked.  Until the next time I had sex that is…

I had a glass of water with this stuff in it, did the dirty, peed after, and woke up the next morning. UTI Free. I honestly sat down on the floor and just started crying from happiness.  I couldn’t believe that something had finally worked.  That was over 8 months ago, and I can happily say I haven’t had a UTI since.

I’ve read so many stories of women who’s lives are ruled by the constant UTIs they’re suffering from and I wish I could find each one of them to share my story and make this more widely known information.  The crappy part is Doctors will never back this because its considered “natural medicine” and they wont get a dime from the treatment.  Instead they’ll prescribe you more antibiotics which can do more harm then good if used too often.  Mine actually had the balls to laugh at me and say it was probably luck, or a placebo effect….because positively tested infections are all in my head right Doc? Idiot.

So please, if you know someone who’s life is ruled by their bladder, share this story with them.  It could change their life.

 

Awkward as fuck Tales: Losing My Virginity

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So….wow.  It’s been 2 years since I’ve wrote anything.  I’m gonna be honest, I completely forgot this blog existed.  And what do I find as my last posting before I went AWAL?  A tell all of my awkward virgin days and the beginning of a romance between myself and my 12 year older co-worker.

To get right to the point, I finally lost my V-card to this guy.  We were together for almost 2 years, and then about 3 months ago I ended it.  I laughed out loud as I read my previous blog posting talking about how “generous, smart and funny” he was.  I think he was only able to keep that facade going for the first month or two, and then things went south pretty fast from there. And yet I hung on for a year and 10 months more for reasons I’ll explain in a later posting.

Let me just start by saying to anyone out there who’s looking to lose their virginity or worried about losing it that this is just my experience and it 100% had to do with the bad choice of a partner I made.

Anyway, I’m here to tell the extremely awkward story of how I lost my virginity.  First off, it was in no way magical, it did not feel great (or even good for that matter), and I literally had no idea what to do with my hands.  There were two major bad life choices I made that night. 1. The location. and 2. My partner.  Honestly, I was just at a point where I wanted to lose my virginity so bad.  I was getting nervous that the older I got, the more weird it would be for me to have to explain to whoever I was dating that I’ve never done”that” before. So me being me, and my partner being unfortunately him, decided we should bring a blow up mattress to work, just to “watch movies”.  I’m just realizing this now that he was totally Netflix and Chill-ing me. Mind blown.  Anyway.  As soon as we had laid down he was asking me if he could take his pants off.  I was completely taken aback.  This sexually experienced 34 year old man was all for just jumping right into it.  I was just sitting there thinking we were gonna watch Harry Potter when all of a sudden he was whippin’ his junk out. Thinking back to it now I’m mad at myself for letting him do so.  Like, you know I’m a virgin, I’ve talked to you about how slow I wanted to go, and yet you decide this is okay? Before I knew what was happening he was on top of me, and although extremely uncomfortable, I decided I might as well do this now.  I mean, we’re already in such a good position, the only thing stopping us was some fabric.  So within a minutes time I no longer could call myself a virgin anymore.

God, how I wish I could go back in time and scream at myself to wait for a better guy.

Upon first entry I was already regretting my decision, nothing felt right.  Him being inside me, the look on his face, I didn’t even like the way he was touching me in that moment.  Every 2 minutes he had me flipping or moving my leg or telling me to do something.  I always pictured losing my virginity as a one position thing, where everything was done very slowly and sensually.  This was the complete opposite of that.  I felt like I had just started a new job and had no idea what I was doing so the manager was barking orders at me.  I should have known right away that this was a bad idea to start any kind of relationship with this guy when I continually told him that what he was doing was hurting me and he’d just go “Oh?” and continue on his way as if I’d said nothing at all.  Eventually it got so painful I told him I was going to have to stop completely and he just says “Its fine I just finished anyway”.

That night ended with me having to wash myself off in a disgusting garage bathroom and a UTI to follow the next day.  We had sex a few more times at work, an in all honestly it did get better, where I was actually enjoying myself.  But one thing always stayed constant in every scenario.  His undying selfishness.  Later on in our relationship I’ll learn that this doesn’t stop in the bedroom, and unfortunately it’ll take me even longer to realize I shouldn’t be with someone like that.

My life is a Taylor Swift album, and Dear John reflects this chapter of my life.  All I want is to find that someone who I can call my Love Story chapter, is that too much to ask?!

Probably.

The Virgin Diaries: I think I want a 34 year old sex god to deflower me

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So as it stands I’m a (about to be in 2 days time) 22 year old virgin who’s got as much experience in the sex department as a 5 year old child…alright there’s been some heavy HEAVY petting but I think you get what I mean.

I’ve spent most of my youth afraid of boys and whenever the opportunity arouse I ran in the opposite direction or awkwardly got felt up whilst thinking of a possible escape route whenever things got frisky.  However I now find myself at a new job working full time nights with the same man every week…just the two of us.  We have no other co-oworkers since we’re the loner night crew and depending on the night, will spend all 10 hours just talking or watching movies.  And let me tell you these conversations can get quite heated.  It took a total of 2 shifts of sex related convos for him to figure out I was a virgin…Probably due to the many blank stares and awkward laughing I would do whenever he made a reference I didn’t understand.  

Anyway, I’ve been dubbed a “Unicorn” because virgins at my age just don’t exist anymore.

Great. 

As we’ve started to get to know each other, I’ve gotten to see how great of a guy he really is; funny, smart, generous, and honestly just extremely smooth.  On top of all this I think he’s actually into me.  Not just the I-wanna-bang-you-once-and-chuck-you-later type of thing either.

The only thing that’s stopping me from being swept off my virgin feet into a life of sexy times is the fact that he’s a wee bit older then me…

By 12 years. 

Not only this but he’s EXTREMELY experienced in the dirty department.  He’s King of Sex Town and I’m a feeble peasant who can’t get her damn chastity belt off.

So many options and no balls to go through almost all of them.  

FOREVER A VIRGIN

 

Follow Your Arrow

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If you save yourself for marriage
You’re a bore
If you don’t save yourself for marriage
You’re a whore-able person
If you won’t have a drink
Then you’re a prude
But they’ll call you a drunk
As soon as you down the first one

If you can’t lose the weight
Then you’re just fat
But if you lose too much
Then you’re on crack
You’re damned if you do
And you’re damned if you don’t
So you might as well just do
Whatever you want
So

Make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls
If that’s something you’re into
When the straight and narrow
Gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don’t
Just follow your arrow
Wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow
Wherever it points

If you don’t go to church
You’ll go to hell
If you’re the first one
On the front row
You’re self-righteous
Son of a-
Can’t win for losing
You’ll just disappoint ’em
Just ’cause you can’t beat ’em
Don’t mean you should join ’em

So make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls
If that’s something you’re into
When the straight and narrow
Gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don’t
Just follow your arrow
Wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow
Wherever it points

Say what you think
Love who you love
‘Cause you just get
So many trips ’round the sun
Yeah, you only
Only live once

So make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls
If that’s what you’re into
When the straight and narrow
Gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, I would
And follow your arrow
Wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow
Wherever it points

– Kacey Musgraves

Virgin Diaries: I need younger co-workers

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Very recently I’ve gotten a new job. It’s pretty awesome, I get to drive around all night and when I’m not busy me and my partner watch movies and basically just talk about everything. However there’s only so many topics you can talk about before relationships and eventually sex is brought up. 

My Deleima: How do I talk about sex with these guys without them clueing in I’ve never actually done it before?

Most of these guys are in their late 20’s and have definitely been around the block. (The other night a guy was talking to me about anal and told me the secret is to lube up some golf balls.  I had no idea wtf to make of that so I just smiled awkwardly and stared out the window)  All I know is that the more I get to know these guys the more comfortable they’re gonna be in asking me questions.  I have a strange feeling I’m going to be cornered soon and either have to lie through my teeth and make up some elaborate story of sexy tales or just scream “IM A VIRGIN, I’M A VIRGIN” as I run into the woods and never return.

I think my heart just pooped its’ pants

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Honestly over the last couple months I have no clue what’s happened to my brain.  I dunno if you’ve ever seen the show Bob’s Burgers, but the one daughter Tina, pretty much sums up my emotional stability.

She wants to make out with everything, yet goes through random bouts of depression when it comes to love (all at the same time being witty as fuck).  Ever since what was left of my love life came to a stomach churning stop I swear to god my emotions either decide to not even exist or to decide they’re on steroids and throw a party.

A week ago G texted me saying he missed me at work blah blah blah, half way through our conversation I tweeted something along the lines of “man up or gtfo”.(obviously I was referring to his sorry commitment phobia ass but honestly I didn’t think it was that obvious…apparently it was)  Suddenly he stopped replying to me and I haven’t heard from him since.  

Today as I’m scrolling down Twitter I see he tweeted that he deleted a certain persons number and he couldn’t be happier. Now I know I don’t know for sure that it’s me but lets be honest here, based on why we haven’t been talking over the last while, I’d bet my virginity he decided to tweet a little revenge of his own.

And I’m no doctor but I think the shock of this whole incident has put my emotions in “DA FUCK IS HAPPENING” mode cause now I’m having the urge to go over to his house, punch his teeth in, then say fuck you, then steal his dog, then come back, and theeeeeen sleep with him.  Confused yet? Join the club.

Now the question is; How do I make these feelings go away?  Do I stop following him on twitter, defriend him on facebook and remove him as an instagram follower?  Or should I act super casual and do nothing? I could always pretend none of the stupid mind fucky stuff he does bothers me, but I’m still going to be reminded of him every day by his once every 2 hour twitter updates… hey guess what THE WORLD DOESN’T CARE YOU HAD TACOS FOR LUNCH. k…maybe I do…but…fuck

Honestly even I know I’m over thinking this and I need to just move on and forget about this ass hole but it’s so hard when I still find his face adorable.  Some how this guy has moved on and forgotten about me but he’s still playing the goddamn “game”…and btw HE’S WINNING.

At the end of the day I have to decide, does absence make the heart grow stronger, or is this a more out of sight out of mind deal?

The First Time I Saw The Sun

The sun’s rising in the east,
I can see it’s shining light
This feeling seems familiar,
One I’ve always tried to fight

You’re not what I expected,
So quiet and serene
But slowly you grow brighter,
everything but unseen

The warmth is on my face now,
So far above the trees
No matter if I’m ready,
My heart begins to unfreeze

Everything’s in full colour,
The sun sits highest in the sky
I’ve never felt such heat before,
Out of happiness I cry

And then you seem so distant,
The warmth begins to fade
Life begins to look dimmer;
The flowers covered by shade

The more I try to find you,
The colder you become
My source of fire is sinking,
And I can’t help thinking “how come?”

My world is almost dark again,
I can barely see your glow
A new day will come again they say,
But it won’t be the same I know